


Naming Day

by Tea-Diva (Revenant)



Category: Generation Kill, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, Humor, ponies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 11:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revenant/pseuds/Tea-Diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Brad is five, Princess Celestia gives him his new pony name. Turns out he's not the only little pony who takes issue with this tradition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naming Day

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** This is the result of stumbling on a [pony name generator](http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/14900/) and, for a lark, typing in some of the guys' names. This story features the genuine results I received from the generator.

The most important day in a young pony’s life is the day they receive their special pony name, granted to them by Princess Celestia herself.

Well, maybe it’s not _the most_ important day; because the day a pony gets their cutie mark and celebrates their Cute-ceañera is a pretty big deal, too. Brad has hopes that his next, ‘most important day in his life’ isn’t as mortifying as this one has proved itself to be. He had five good years of being ‘Brad’. He was happy. Now…

“Oh, it’s so perfect for you,” his mother says. “The Princess always knows. I don’t know how she does it.”

“Well,” Brad’s dad offers. “I suppose that’s why she’s the princess. Come on, Rain Rider, let’s go home.”

Brad’s right ear twitches. 

“Honey, you’ll get used to it,” his mother croons, like she knows just how absolutely _not_ impressed Brad is with the name the Princess has given him. 

“Why can’t I just be ‘Brad’? I’ve been ‘Brad’ for five years! Why do I have to change _now_ , just because some princess called me something different?”

His dad swishes his tail with impatience. “Rude, sulking, mulish little colts don’t get ice cream or stay up for the party when they get home.”

“Well,” Brad says, jerking his muzzle in the air. “I don’t feel much like celebrating, anyway.”

His mother sighs and glances over at Brad’s dad. “Why don’t you take the girls and go on ahead. We’ll meet up with you.” Brad watches as his dad casts another long look in his direction, before trotting off with Brad’s sisters. 

“Come sit here with me,” his mother says, motioning towards a soft patch of grass beneath a willow tree. 

“I know I should be happy,” Brad says, as he follows her over, and then drops down onto the grass. “It’s just. I don’t _like_ it, mom.” He ruffles his wings and toes at the ground. He’s sulking, but he can’t stop. What are all the other ponies going to say on his first day of school? He’ll be bullied for sure. He’s already on the small side for his age, he doesn’t want to give the other ponies any more reason to single him out.

“You know,” his mother says after a moment. “I wasn’t always called Dream Prism. When I was a little filly, my parents used to call me ‘Miriam’.”

Brad blinks. He never knew that. “That’s a nice name.”

His mother nods. “It was a very nice name, and I liked it very much.” She glances over at him, the corner of her mouth quirking upward as she says, “You’re father had to spend five years being called ‘Baby’ by everyone in his family because his parents didn’t want him getting attached to a name he wasn’t going to keep.”

Brad toes at the ground some more. There is _no way_ he could have endured _five whole years_ of people calling him ‘baby’, just so he would feel relieved when suddenly they started calling him ‘Rain Rider’. He says, “Oh.”

“That’s why your father and I decided to call you ‘Bradley’, until you were old enough for the Princess to bestow a proper name to.”

Brad huffs. “It’s not a ‘proper’ name, mom!”

“It’s a _pony_ name, dear, and we are ponies.”

“It’s a _Pegasus_ name!” Brad counters, and then covers his mouth with both hooves because, oops, he hadn’t meant to say that.

It’s quiet for a little while, and then his mother shifts, pulls him over until he is leaning on her, her foreleg draped over his shoulder. She asks, “Is that what this is about?”

Grudgingly, Brad admits, “I’m already so different from you and dad.” 

Brad’s parents and his two sisters are all unicorns. His mother is purple with a pale blue mane, his dad is orange with a white mane, and Brad’s sisters are various combinations of those colors. 

Brad is yellow, and his mane and tail is turquoise with a stripe of blue-green and a stripe of paler yellow. Brad is a Pegasus. He is also adopted.

“Honey, we love you just as much as your sisters,” his mother says. 

Ruffling his wings, Brad says, “But I can’t do magic.”

“But you can _fly_. That’s something your father and I can’t do. Your sisters can’t fly.”

Flying is one of the best things in the entire world, in his opinion. He wouldn’t ever trade his wings for a magical horn. “Well,” Brad says. “Emerald Sparkle and Diamond Dancer can _barely_ do magic as it is, so…”

“Bradley!” his mother scolds, then blinks, realizing what she has just said. They both stare at each other, then the shock recedes and Brad can’t help smiling back at his mother’s grin. “You’ll always be my Bradley,” she says. “But your name is Rain Rider, and you should be proud of it. Just like I’m proud of you.”

_______________________________

Ray’s coat is green. His mane and tail are magenta.

“They’re red,” Ray insists. “ _Red_!”

“No, that’s definitely pink,” Walt says, flicking Ray’s mane up and down with the end of his hoof.

“Wait a minute,” Ray says. “Brad said ‘ _magenta_ ’. Magenta is _not_ pink.”

“Yeah,” Walt shrugs. “But then you said it was _red_ , and magenta isn’t red either…”

“I hate the both of you, _forever_!” He drops down onto the ground, and actually crosses his forelegs as he sulks and ignores them. Ray has spent pretty much the entirety of his five years of existence insisting that his coat will change color as he grows up. 

Well, the word he'd actually used was ‘matured’ but Brad and Walt had both snickered behind their hooves and wished him luck with that.

Walt glances at Brad. “How long do you think this will last?”

Brad shrugs. “It puzzles me, that’s all,” he continues, like he hasn’t been interrupted by Ray’s affront at Brad’s perfectly accurate choice of words. “How does Princess Celestia look at someone with a mane like that and come up with, ‘Brawny Racer’. I find it difficult to believe that ‘Brawny Racer’ was the best she could do. Did she not talk to him at all?”

Walt glances at Ray, and then back at Brad. “Did she talk to you before she gave you your name?”

Brad’s ear twitches. He admits, “No…”

“Well,” Walt continues. “She didn’t talk to me either, but I kind of like Silver Charger.”

“That’s my point,” Brad says. “You’re not silver, you’re orange and you’re yellow. It’s not like you run a lot, either. Mostly you kick things.”

They both pretend that they don’t notice Walt’s orange muzzle turn a bit red as he blushes and mumbles, “It’s part of my job.” Walt lives at Sweet Apple Acres and helps out during harvesting season, even if he’s still on the small side for a colt. One day, he wants to be strong enough to help with collecting the apples instead of just carrying the baskets and helping Granny Smith bake pies. He spends almost all of his free time kicking his back hooves against tree-trunks to strengthen his legs.

“Your pony name has nothing to do with how you _look_ ,” Ray interrupts. “The Princess looks into your _soul_ when she picks your name.”

Brad sniffs. “Are you talking to us again?”

“You’re both _jerks_!” Ray glares, stomps his front hooves into the ground. “I don’t want to be called ‘Brawny Racer’ anyway! _It’s stupid!_ ”

“But I thought the princess looked into your soul?” Brad says. “Deep inside, Ray, you’re Brawny Racer. No matter how much you try to run from that, you’ll never escape it.”

“Fuck you, Brad!” Ray snaps, then covers his mouth with his hooves. All three of them hunch down, glancing guiltily around to see if any adults heard Ray swear. Ray whispers, “Do you think my mum heard that? She’d be so mad if she ever caught me using that word.”

After a moment of perfect quiet and stillness, it becomes clear that no one has overheard them. They relax.

Walt glances at Brad, then over to Ray. He holds out his right hoof, “Vow to only ever use our real names and never our pony names if we can help it?”

“Agreed!” Brad says, placing his hoof over Walt’s.

“Abso _lutely_!” Ray says, and places his hoof over Brad’s. They bounce their hooves once to solidify the pact. “But I reserve the right to tease you mercilessly, Rain Rider.”

“Only if you are prepared to receive torment in kind, Brawny Racer,” Brad says. Ray snaps his mouth closed. After a second, he bumps his flank against Brad’s and laughs.

_______________________________

On his first day of school Brad sits in the front row and refuses to flinch when his teacher, Cheerilee, works her way through roll call and says, “Rain Rider?”

He holds up his hoof and says, “Here.” He keeps his expression neutral and speaks with total confidence, and even though he waits for it, none of the ponies in his class snicker.

At recess, Ray and Walt follow him outside. “It’s not so bad having to hear it at school because the entire roll call sounds ridiculous,” Walt says, voicing the conclusion that Brad arrived at more or less immediately after roll call. “I suppose no one’s going to make fun of us for our names. I mean, ours aren’t even the most embarrassing.”

They’re playing a game of keep-away with a little blue ball when two ponies trot over. One is a blue unicorn with a dark blue mane, and the other Brad notes with interest, is a mint green Pegasus pony. “Yo,” says the Pegasus. “What’s a Pegasus pony doing with two earth ponies?”

Brad narrows his eyes. “What’s a Pegasus doing with a unicorn?”

The other Pegasus grins, and then holds out his right hoof. After a second, Brad bumps their hoofs together. “Lightning Tumble, right?” Brad asks when it’s clear the other pony isn’t trying to start something.

The Pegasus rolls his eyes. “ _No way_ ,” he says. “My name is Tony, and this here’s Rudy.”

Brad nods. “I’m Brad. That’s Walt and that’s Ray.”

“Hey,” Walt and Ray chorus.

Tony and Rudy never actually swear the oath but it goes without saying. Brad’s close circle of friends expands by two, and the anti-monarchical sentiments that brought them together become peripheral to a real bond of friendship. 

Secretly, Brad thinks that if it weren’t for a mutual hatred of their pony names, none of them would have really bonded together, because each of them is so different. It’s unlikely that Brad would have ever bothered to try striking up a conversation. He’s still glad that they found each other.

“Apparently the Princess couldn’t decide whether to call me Lightning Tumble or Hyper Chaser,” Tony admits to Brad one night years later as they drift aimlessly through the sky, relaxing on a cloud.

“Why didn’t she go with Hyper Chaser?”

Tony shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe she saw me fly.” 

Tony is not actually a very good flyer. He’s okay. He doesn’t slam into trees or anything but, well, he spends more time on the ground than anything. He says he prefers it. Brad thinks it’s a waste of a perfectly good set of wings but until Tony relents and lets Brad actually teach him to fly then there’s not much Brad can do, so he lets it be.

Brad says, “Rudy told me the Princess wanted to name him Regal Crescent, but his father said he was concerned about the potential for bullying when he got older.”

“No shit. I put up with enough for mine. Lightning Tumble _my ass_. I’m damned good in bed. Just ask any filly I've been with.” He swishes his tail in agitation. Brad knows Tony hasn’t actually been with a filly yet, but he doesn’t say anything. “That was pretty cool of his dad to step-in, though. Makes me wonder why mine didn’t.”

Brad tilts his head. “I suppose she is the princess.”

Tony shrugs. “It’s a stupid tradition. Doesn’t the Princess have important shit to do, like ruling Equestria? How can she do all of that, and still have time to pick out a name for every foal and filly out there?”

“She probably picks them out of a hat or something,” Brad says. “You know it’s pretty bad when you can honestly say that you’re relieved that you got named Tuxedo Masquerade.”

Tony snickers. “Makes you pretty damned happy she stuck you with Rain Rider now, huh?”

Brad blinks. “Maybe it’s not so bad.”

_______________________________

Considering how they each feel about Princess Celestia, Brad really has no idea how all five of them got roped into contributing to the Summer Sun Celebration. Brad doesn’t even _like_ the Summer Sun Celebration. It’s mostly a lot of crowds and fanfare just so the princess can flap her wings and make her horn glow and raise the summer sun.

Brad’s met Princess Celestia before, he’s still not ready to forgive her for the whole ‘Rain Rider’ thing, even if he does also want to thank her for not cursing him with something even more ridiculous.

Brad does, however, really like flying and that’s probably how she hooked him into this. All he has to do is make sure the skies are clear for the celebration. Easy. Brad can do that in under three minutes, without even breaking a sweat. 

The others though, they’re all stressing out. 

Walt’s over at the farm trying to organize all the food, Tony’s trying to teach the birds the right notes for the welcoming song they’re supposed to sing for the Princess, Rudy is trying to arrange the decorations and Ray is in charge of trying to make the whole thing actually fun. 

Privately, Brad considers Ray’s job to actually be impossible. Also, he’s not certain that’s Ray’s official task as mandated by the Princess, but that’s what Ray insists he’s in charge of, and there’s just no arguing with him. Well, Brad argues with Ray all the time, but there’s no _winning_ an argument with him.

Brad’s taking a break from his flying practice when Ray trots up to him and announces, “The Princess is sending some snooty pony over from Canterlot to make sure we do all of this right. Like I don’t know how to throw a damned party. _Please_.” He glances pointedly at the cloud that Brad is lying on, drifting just a few feet off the ground. “You better snap to. Apparently this cocky colt reports back to the princess directly. He’s like, her protégé or something.”

Brad waves a hoof. “The last thing I need is to be nagged by some supercilious, snot-nosed, arrogant pony who thinks a hard day’s work consists of telling people what they’re doing wrong.”

“Tell me about it,” Ray says. “He probably only got this job because he’s servicing the Princess on the side.” He pauses, and then says, “Get it? _Servicing_.”

“Yes, _thank-you_ , I got it,” Brad says.

“Uh,” says a new voice. Brad flips up onto his hooves and peers down over the side of his cloud. Ray is standing face-to-face with a sleek red pony with an orange mane and apple-crisp green eyes. “Actually, the Princess just asked me for a favor. Our relationship is strictly genial, mentor-mentee. I assure you, there is no sexual activity involved.”

“Sure,” Ray nods. Then turns around and mock whispers at Brad, “Did you hear that? She asked him for a _favor_.”

Brad snorts and hops off his cloud, fluttering his wings until his hooves touch the ground. “So, you’re from Canterlot.”

The red unicorn nods his head. “Yes.”

“What’s your name?”

The unicorn glances to his right and gestures to a small purple dragon. “This is Mike.”

“Right,” Brad says, sharing a look with Ray. “But what’s _your_ name?”

The unicorn jerks his muzzle slightly in the air; a gesture that Brad knows means the pony is bracing himself for whatever reaction his next statement will garner. He says, “Handsome Thunder.”

Brad smirks. “Nice to meet you, Handsome Thunder. I’m Brad, this is Ray.”

Handsome Thunder may be blushing. Since his coat is already red, Brad has no way to tell, but the pony narrows his eyes and it looks like he’s maybe fighting back a smile. “Right,” he says, nodding at each of them as he says, “Nice to meet you Brad, Ray.” He pauses, holds out a hoof and adds, “ _Please_ call me Nate.” 

Brad grins, shaking the other pony's hoof. He says, “I can do that.”


End file.
